This Tragic Yet Happy Life
by C237W
Summary: Focusing on Kaneki's mother, we follow her through all her hardships, sacrifices, joy, pain, tragedy, and happiness.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** I do NOT own Tokyo Ghoul, all rights to the story and characters belong to the original author. With that being said, please enjoy my (hopefully not too long) first chapter to my very first fanfic. But first a summary: This story takes place way before the events of the first Tokyo ghoul manga, and is about Kaneki Ken's mothers life, her teen years, her first love, and her first child... Which it turns out was not Kaneki. Without further adou, chapter 1 :)

chapter 1

"Ami~!" My older sister yelled from the other room, her overly shrill and demanding voice reaching me all the way from down the hall, and through my closed door. I wonder what I had done wrong now. I laid down the shirt I was folding on the pile of laundry I still had to put away, and made my way to her room. It turns out her door was also closed. I gripped the knob in my hand and twisted it to the left, not surprised I struggled to turn it. The door was jammed, and wouldn't budge an inch. I sighed. Our house had been in the Kaneki family for generations, and being so old it was slowly falling apart no matter how many times you repaired it, a new problem was quick to pop up. Which was a shame because I loved this house, and had hoped to inherit it from mother and father when I was old enough, but that was only if it lasted until then. My expectations were too high I supposed, but that was not the fault of my parents, nothing last forever as the saying goes. I finally gave up jiggling with the handle, turned sideways to the door, and threw my shoulder against it. WHAM! The door flew open, and the force the I used sent it crashing into the wall, creating a sizable dent in the plaster. Uh oh. I flinched at the sound and the sight of the damage.

Startled by the noise, Hana sprung up from her chair, and her face went red with anger. "What did you do? There is a hole in my wall Ami!" She shrieked at me, waving her arms around, and pointing furiously at the dent. I repressed the urge to cower at her yells, and as calmly as I could manage, explained to her that the door was stuck, and that I would fix it first thing tomorrow. Hana seemed content with this, and sat back down in her chair, twisting it around to face her desk which was covered in papers.

She didn't speak for a little while, just sat there leafing through pages, and picking the end of an eraser off a pencil. so when I realized she was waiting for me to offer her help with something, I pulled the other chair up beside her.

"So, what did you need Hana?" I tentatively asked her, choosing my words extra carefully because I know that Hana doesn't like to ask anyone for anything. Especially her little sister. Hana huffed, and thrusted a mountain of notebooks and papers at me.

"Well, since your actually good at math, I need your help." She grumbled at me, twisting and fiddling with the eraser-less pencil in her hands. OK, something I CAN do. I took my glasses out of my shirt pocket, and positioned them on the bridge of my nose before straightening the worksheets on the desk, then leaning over them to read the problems. The familiar equations and numbers swam on the paper in front of me, bringing with them a strange comfort, even though the math I was looking at was a year ahead of me I understood everything on the sheet perfectly.

"What part did you need help with?" I questioned her, avoiding eye contact, and taking a pencil for myself out of the drawer.

"...All of it..." She grumbled again, this time with more irritation and embarrassment present in her voice, and sent an icy glare my way. Assuming I was planning on insulting her intellect. "What? Are you going to judge me? Just because your smarter, does not mean you are better than me. Freak." My grip on the pencil tightened considerably, yet I didn't retort anything back. I knew I couldn't entirely blame Hana for her cruel words. Its true I did get better marks than her in our studies, and that in doing so, our parents put extra pressure on her that she frankly could do without. Her words were simply a reflection of that pressure, and her pride as the older sibling. So I did not want to call her mean names and hurt her more, 'Its better to be the one being hurt, than the one doing the hurting.' The corners of my lips turned upwards at the familiar quote.

My grandmother used to say that to me when I was a child. She was an exceptionally kind woman that I treasured, and admired. She firmly believed that you should never ever hurt someone, and you should always be kind and generous. And I guess I have held onto her words, even after she passed on.

I met Hana's frosty expression with a smile, trying to clam her down. Not wishing to fight with my older sister.

"I was not judging you Hana, I was just asking for clarification on what you needed help with so we could get to work!" I shouted enthusiastically, raising my pencil comically into the air, and widened my small smile to a goofy grin.

She 'hmphd' at me, but put her pencil to the sheet, and pointed out what she did not understand. Between the two of us, we were able to finish all the work just before dinner time. I rose from the chair and stretched, my arms reaching far above my head, and a sigh of pleasure escaped my lips now that I could move my tight muscles freely. I was usually sore from my work at the hospital. My entailed that I lift heavy boxes of medical supplies often, which is not good for my back. But work is work, and I don't mind it much. Having nice staff is also a plus. After I finished my imitation of a starfish, I turned to my sister.

"So, do you think you understand now, Hana?"

"Yes, but next time I wont resort to begging my little sister for help."

"...We're only a year apart..." I began, but my mothers loud bellow from the kitchen cut me off.

"Ami..Hana..Dinner!" Me and Hana both raced down the stairs excitedly, we had been smelling the amazing aroma from downstairs while we had been working, and it was impossible to quiet our rumbling stomachs. We were having Dads favorite meal: rice with bean sprouts, dumplings, and strips of beef. A celebration dinner because dad had just gotten a promotion at work, he was now officially a first class investigator at CCG. It had taken him a little while to reach the rank because he had to take time off to raise a family, but we could tell he didn't mind at all. So we were in a spirited mood.

"I'm so proud of you dad" Hana exclaimed, beaming at our father with genuine sincerity. He smiled back at her, and replied with his 'thank you's' while holding moms hand and eating his dinner with the other.

Next it was my turn. "Congratulations on your accomplishments father, you deserve it." I said, raising my chopsticks covered in rice to my mouth, and took a bite.

My father smiled kindly at me, and reached over to lay his hand on mine. I could feel Hana's contempt in waves passing over me, I shivered slightly but father didn't notice.

"Thank you dear, but you need to learn not to be so formal with your family." He chastised me lightly, then took his hand off mine and resumed eating his dinner. The night passed quickly, and soon I was clearing the dessert plates off the table, and placing them in the sink to start the dishes.

I felt my mother sneak up behind me, and place her hand on my shoulder."Dear, you have studying to do, leave the dishes to your father and me." She said gleefully, hand already moving for the sponge. I beat her to it, and turned around to hug her. "Don't worry about it mother, I have already completed all my studies, and I would be glad to do this for you." I released her, and smiled encouragingly at her, deciding to take a chance.

"Mom, since Dad has worked so hard for his promotion, why don't you and dad go out and celebrate more? Maybe grab tea or something." I offered hopefully, maybe she would finally take me up on it... I couldn't have been more wrong.

While I had good intentions, and wished the best for my mother, I regretted even opening my mouth when I saw her lips tighten, and her skin pale in fear.

"Mom, I-" i began, but she waved me off with her hand.

"How could you be so insensitive? You know why i can't" She whispered, her hand which had been loosely holding mine, tightened considerably, and I felt the bones in my hand grind together painfully. But I took it without yelping because I had upset her.

"You know why I can't leave the house." She said, voice raising a bit, but at least she released my hand. I cradled it with my other, and massaged the agitated muscles and bones.

"Yes mother." I murmured, my head bowing slightly. "But I assumed...now that father has become a first class investigator, maybe you would feel safe enough to leave the house." I stammered out nervously, anticipating her response while my fingers twisted the fabric of my skirt. When I hadn't heard her say anything, I looked up in confusion. And that was when she slapped me. Hard.

I gasped harshly, and collapsed to the floor. Tears leaked from my eyes and my right cheek stung, I whimpered when I touched the wound, and was going to stand back up when my mother's cold words pushed me back down to the ground.

"Have you forgotten what happened Ami? How I was almost killed by that monster? Did you think the fear I felt would melt away just because of your father advancing through the ranks? If that's true, you aren't as smart as I thought you were." She spat, and now glared down at me, no trace of kindness or motherly affection left.

"Look at you, bawling over little slap and some words like a child. Your weaker than me, your father and your sister, and that weakness will be the death of you." She turned on her heel, and before she left for the stairs, she ordered: "as punishment for your attitude, you will finish up all the dishes and clean the entire kitchen." She left before I could reply, and I quietly sobbed into my hands. Wishing I could be anywhere else right now. Wishing I could be strong, or at least shout back at her like she did to me. To be the one calling names and not receiving them. I dug my finger nails into my palms, and reasoned with myself that mom didn't mean all that, she was just scared, and I had hurt her feelings.

..."its better to be the one being hurt, than the one doing the hurting... Its better to be the one being hurt, than the one doing the hurting." I reminded myself, repeating the phrase over and over like a mantra, and silently stood up from the cold floor.

 **Authors Note part 2:** Thank you for reading! Hopfully it wasn't too bad, not too many spelling mistakes or not too long (hopefully, though I am not perfect) please feel free to leave comments or even message me if you want clarification, or have a question, spot a mistake, or just to lend an idea :D I love comments so don't hold back! Till next time


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note:** Hey readers! Since I haven't been busy, I was able to write and edit this chapter pretty fast (BTW this might not always be case with school and exams coming up, but don't worry I strive to get chapters out often enough) Anyways I realize wholeheartedly that this chapter is filler, but don't worry things will pick up in the chapters to come. You can't have a Tokyo Ghoul fanfic without some badassness, action, or blood. So please stay with me here :)

Chapter 2

Knock...Knock...

It was now 8:30 pm, and I had almost finished the dishes when I was alerted that someone was outside my house. I slowly put down the towel on the counter, and shuffled towards the door hesitantly. It was getting late, and I was not expecting guest nor was anyone in my family, so just who was this stranger? I quickly flipped on the porch light, but I still couldn't see who was outside because of the curtain over the glass, so in a moment of pure paranoia and fear, I reached into the tin umbrella holder beside the door, and grabbed one for protection. With shaking fingers, and my heart pounding in my ears, I quickly yanked the curtain away to reveal the visitor...

I let out a thankful breath, and unlocked the door for my boyfriend, Yasotaru Haruguchi. I had not remembered I invited him over for dinner with my family, so I supposed he became preoccupied and could not make it on time. It was nice that he had even come over at all. I grinned up at his tall frame, my eyes fixated on his beautiful green ones, his short black hair, and his light pink lips. He returned my smile eagerly, and bent down to hug me, lifting me off the floor and spinning me around for a second before settling me on the floor again.

"Hey Ami, hope I'm not too late. I'm so sorry about just arriving, but I had an extra shift forced on me, and my phone died so I couldn't tell you. I'm sorry." He apologized again and again, and I went on my tip toes to kiss his stubbly cheek, My way of letting him know he's forgiven.

Yasotaru nodded his head, but then his eyes focused on something in my hand, his kind face now decorated with confusion.

"Ami, why are you holding an umbrella?" He asked, a soft laugh mixing wonderfully with his smooth voice. I looked down to my right hand, and realized I was still gripping the makeshift weapon. I blushed with embarrassment, and put it back in its rightful place.

"Er...I thought it might be raining outside?" I said with an obviously crumbling straight face, and couldn't hold it a minute longer when Yasotaru started laughing. I giggled myself, and fought for breath while taking his hand and leading him to the kitchen.

"Hahaha, okay okay, truth is I forgot you were coming over, and I may have thought you were some scary murderous monster." We both laughed some more at my idiocy, and I picked up my towel to resume drying the dishes. I told Yasotaru he could just sit at the table until I finished up, then I would reheat the leftovers. But instead he grabbed his own towel, and began helping me dry and put away the remaining dishes. At first we basked in comfortable silence, but I soon decided it was time for some small talk. So nudging his shoulder with mine, I ask him how his day was.

"It was good, had a huge exam for my English course, then I headed right to work. A usual day." He paused to reach over my head to place a plate in its rightful place onto the shelf. "How was yours Ami?"

"Fine, work was usual as well, I missed you all day. I'm glad you could make it." I said "I only wish you could have been over when dinner was being served, that way you would not have to eat leftovers." Though I was glad he didn't have to see my mother and I squabbling, it was a real comfort having him here. I leaned my head on his shoulder, completely comfortable being this close to Yasotaru, he rested his chin on my head, and finished up putting away the last of the dishes. I can't believe we have only been dating a year, but I already had such deep feelings for him.

"I'm fine with leftovers, I'm just sorry i was was late... And I will be making you wash more dishes." He said.

"I told you, you're already forgiven." I laughed as I lightly hit his arm with my damp drying towel, and grinned up at him. "And if its you, I don't mind."

He smiled back at me, and I realized how close we were to each other, practically sharing the same air. I blushed a little, and Yasotaru seemed to notice as well, and understand the sudden color in my cheeks because his eyelids lowered, and he leaned in to kiss me.

I became redder when his soft lips connected with mine in a whirlwind of passion, and I melted into his kiss. But as our lips were locked, and I explored his mouth further, a sharp metallic taste assaulted my tongue. I instantly broke the kiss, fearing for a second I had bit his lip, but all I had done was kiss him.

"Ami? What's wrong?" Yasotaru asked me, concern apparent in his voice as well on his face, and he reached out his arm and took my hand to make sure I was alright. I assured him I was fine, and stuck two of my fingers into my mouth, searching for the blood that was still all I could taste on my tongue. My fingers came out slightly red on the tips, and I looked at Yasotaru with concern of my own.

"While we were kissing, I tasted blood in your mouth, are you okay? Did you get into a fight?" I rinsed my bloody fingers in the sink, then turned to him.

For a second Yasotaru seemed unwilling to answer me, and I wondered if he thought I would be mad at him for brawling. I wouldn't be mad, I was just worried if he was hurt. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, then opened his mouth.

"No, I wasn't fighting. In truth, I was nervous coming over here, and had been biting my cheek all day. Guess I broke the skin and I didn't notice. That must be why you tasted blood." He shrugged like it was nothing, and I held onto his hand tighter now, upset that he had injured himself because of nerves visiting my place.

"Why were you nervous?" I asked, my voice cracking at the end. Oh no, was he going to break up with me? Had I done something? Yasotaru instantly noticed my distress, and pulled me into a tight hug, his hand stroking my hair.

"Hey, what's wrong Ami?" He whispered soothingly into my ear, never stopping his hand running through my short black hair. I shook my head. "Come on, I can't do anything unless you don't tell me." He said, trying to reason with me. I finally mumbled into his shirt something along the lines of: "you got hurt because you were nervous about coming to my house, it upset me a little."

Yasotaru sighed, and kissed my forehead. I looked at him in shock, not expecting that reaction out of him. He looked down at me, with a bemused and caring expression. "Don't be upset sweety, it was all my fault, not yours. No need to apologize at all. And it wasn't really coming over here that made me anxious, it was because... Well, i have something to tell you." I tensed up suddenly, preparing for the words that would end our relationship, but I never thought it would end like this. I never got to tell him how I truly felt.

"Wait, Yasotaru, there's something I need to tell-" I began, but he brought his finger to my lips to silence me. His eyes alight with conviction and firmness. And I realized he was going to say what he had to say, and there was nothing I could do to stop him, so I readied myself for the worst.

Ami, I... I love you." He whispered silently, his breath rushing out, and his voice unsteady. Anticipating my answer on bated breath. I whipped my head up in surprise, and I took a moment to reassure myself he had just said what I thought I heard. Before I knew what was happening, I grinned so wide my jaw hurt, then I sealed my lips to his again, I still smiled as I kissed him, and he pulled me closer, his arm around my waist and the other resting on my hip.

He pulled away for a second, our lips still touching, but just barley. "So is that a yes or...?" He breathed, already knowing the answer, but needing conformation anyway. " I stared into his eyes, and finally said what I had been waiting to say for a long time. "...Yes, I love you too." His happiness lit up the room, and he beamed at me before returning his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and as our kiss deepened we both clung to each other, Yasotaru's hand had just moved up the back of my shirt -

"Ahem" My father coughed fakely, announcing his presence to us. Me and Yasotaru immediately jumped apart, and faced my father, who had his arms crossed but his face was anything but angry.

"S-sir, uh, Mr. Kaneki I am so sorry for-" Yasotaru stuttered out, trying desperately to rectify the situation, to explain himself. But failing miserably.

My father chuckled at his reaction, and decided to take mercy on him. "Its okay Yasotaru, just next time, say hello before you move in on my daughter." He said, and I didn't know if it were possible for my boyfriend to blush anymore, but as usual, he surpassed my expectations. He put lobsters to shame, and I'm certain that I was not much farther behind him.

"Yes sir." He replied stiffly, and was now standing a few feet away from me, acting very respectably towards me and my father. It was as humorous as it was awkward.

Later on, after my father had retired to his bedroom (mumbling something about privacy) me and Yasotaru were sitting at the table, sipping on the piping hot tea I had made, and chatting quietly. Not wanting to disturb my parents or Hana.

"So, have you decided what collage you would like to apply to?" He asked me. Somehow we had come to the topic of education, but he reminded me I was graduating this summer, and even though it was October, I needed to start considering my choices for collage. Though I knew with my parents money troubles, it would take awhile to save up enough to save up. My sister, who had already graduated, was still waiting for the chance to go. So I was far back on the waiting list.

I trailed my fingers over the burning hot cup, and quickly took a sip before answering him, savoring the rich flavor of the tea.

"No, I decided to focus on my job right now. I'd like to go to collage, but even with my dads promotion and me working full time, it will be awhile till I save up enough to even think about collage." I stated, trying not to let my disappointment show, because it would just trouble Yasotaru and myself. So I softly smiled at him to pretend I wasn't the least bit troubled I had to wait to afford school, and that I was being left behind by everyone in my grade. Since Yasotaru's family was well off, he didn't have to worry about money, or if he could pay for proper schooling or not.

"Your dad got a promotion? You never did tell me where he worked." My boyfriend said, curiosity dancing in his eyes, and looking me expectantly before taking a swig of his cold tea (he had put ice cubes in it because he burnt his tongue on the first sip)

Huh, I had thought I told him, guess it must have slipped my mind or never came up. "Yeah, he just got it today." I told him nonchalantly, "he's employed at the CCG, and is now a first class investigator."

Suddenly, Yasotaru sucked in a breath, and choked on his tea. His loud coughs filled my ears, and he gasped for breath, tears collecting in his eyes from the sudden loss of air. I leapt from my chair, and moved to his side, patting his back nonstop until his coughs resided, and he could breath freely.

"Thanks." He rasped, his voice strained from coughing harshly to dispel the tea that was in his esophogus. I settled back in my chair, relieved that he was okay now.

"Don't mention it, what happened? Your drink just go down the wrong way?" I asked half jokingly, trying to calm the pounding of my heart from the sudden actions that just took place.

"...Yeah, something like that. I guess I still need to learn how to consume liquids huh?" He chuckled weakly, at first not meeting my eyes, but slowly his gaze returned to mine. I agreed with him, and finished my tea in one gulp, then turned to check the time. It was now 11:46. I hadden't realized how fast time had flown. Yasotaru had noticed me checking the time, and was now teasing me about my inability to stay up late.

"Is somebody tired?" He quiped, his tone now slightly condescending but with a kinder edge to it. As soon as he asked, a huge yawn broke through my fascaude. I must have looked like a hipo, but I couldn't help it, I was tired.

But I would never admit it to him. "I Am -another yawn- not!" I shot back at him. "You're tired." I rubbed at my eyes, and almost shrieked when I felt Yasotaru's strong arms under my legs and around my shoulders, lifting me off the chair and heading toward the stairs.

Hey!" I shouted, now fully awake from the sudden change of position. I struggled for a bit in his arms, but he just held on tighter, and continued up the stairs. I eventually gave up, and relaxed against him, understanding it was futile to try and get out of this.

"Please put me down, I'm fine and this is embarrassing!" I almost shouted at him. He shushed me, and balanced me with one arm, while he used the other to open my door.

"Ami, you have to be quiet, your family is asleep and you don't want to wake them do you? Translation: shut up and deal with it.

I grumbled under my breath, but was secretly overjoyed at being carried like this romantically into my room. That was, until Yasotaru dropped me onto the bed. I heard the floor boards creek and groan with the unexpected weight, and I tensed for a second, waiting for either my parents to wake up, or my bed to drop through the floor. Thankfully neither happened. I let out a sigh of relive, which caught in my throat when Yasotaru flopped down beside me.

 **Authors note:** That cliffhanger tho?! Lol hope you enjoyed this chapter in all its cliche'd cheesiness :)

Another BTW: Leena1445, thank you very much for your review! It meant so much to me :D really inspired me keep writing this Fanfic. Till next time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chaptet 3

"Wha - what are you doing!?" I whispered fiercely, my brown eyes widening at his bright green ones. He smiled at me fondly, and rolled onto his side- facing me- and rested his chin on his hand, which was propped up by his elbow.

"Just tucking you in." He stated, like it was the most natural thing ever.

I sighed. "As much as I would like you to stay, my parents could walk in on us any second. You should head out." I took off the slippers I was wearing, and crawled under my comforters, which was difficult because of Yasotaru still laying in my bed, and yawned again. He soon got the message that he should go, and he climbed out of my bed, and headed towards the door. Not thinking clearly, I felt a quick burst of irrational panic in my heart at seeing him walk away, almost like I felt I would never see him again. I struck out my hand and gripped his jacket between my fingers.

He turned around, shocked but not looking unhappy. " I thought you wanted me to go." He whispered. I thought for a moment, still refusing to let go of his coat for fear that he would disappear.

"Please, can you just stay until I go to sleep?" I asked hesitantly, not wanting him to leave. I waited for him to answer me, but all I got was a quick nod before he pulled back the covers, and climbed in next to me.

"Okay, but just until you fall asleep." He promised, and I smiled, then snuggled closer to him, lightly kissing his lips goodnight. I only meant to kiss him once and go to bed, but he returned my kiss slowly at first, then faster as the minuets wore on. Soon before I knew it, Yasotaru was laying on top of me, and we were both caught up in the frenzy of our actions. "I thought you were tired" he mumbled against my lips, and I shook my head. "Not anymore I'm not." I whispered, and looked into his eyes, seeing a fire ignited there, and mine reflecting back. We kissed for a little longer, when I finally decided that since I loved Yasotaru, I should do something to prove it. So I whispered into his ear what I wanted, feeling confident he wanted the same, and that tonight I could be wrapped in his embrace till the morning came.

He looked down at me, surprised but a slow serious smile danced on his lips. "Are you sure you want this, because I would never force you. We don't have to do this tonight." He tried to reason with me, but I was positive that I wanted this, i gazed lovingly at him, my hand resting on his cheek, and i kissed him. "Yes I'm sure. I want this." I assured him, and he kissed me back as he drew the covers over our heads.

The next morning...

I slowly opened my eyes, still exhausted and sore from last, but undoubtedly happy. I smiled sleepily to myself, and reached my arm back to wake Yasotaru up, but strangely I couldn't feel him there, but being unbothered by that fact. Him staying the night was risky enough, but if mother or father found us in the same bed this morning, we would be in a lot of trouble. Me particularly. A cool breeze sent my shivering, and diving further under the comforters before I checked the clock sitting on the night table beside my bed. It was 6:40. Perfect. No one in my family was up this early but me, so there would be enough time to sneak Yasotaru out before they even woke up. I congratulated myself on my cunningness, and shivered again from the cold. I wondered to myself why it was so freezing in here, it was too late in the year for air-conditioning or a fan, and I could swear I left the window closed... The window! I sat up suddenly, pulling the comforters around my body tightly, and checked my window. It was open. What the? I never go to sleep without making sure its locked, how could it be open? It was then that it dawned on me that Yasotaru wasn't in the bed with me, that he left sometime before I woke up, that he left me alone last night.

I locked the screen and window, then crawled back to bed. I collapsed half on my side, half on his, no longer needing to make room for someone who wasn't there. Why am I so upset? I should be glad that we didn't get caught, so this should be win win right? At least that's what i told myself, i suppose i just wanted him to say goodbye before he left through my window. I sighed, and draped one arm over my eyes, the other on Yasotaru's pillow. When the back of my hand connected with the pillow, I heard a faint rustling and crunching of paper underneath, and my dour mood instantly shifted to contentedness. Of course he wouldn't just leave without saying goodbye, he must have just been in a hurry to get to work since he has really early hours on weekends. I hurriedly tossed the pillow to the end of my bed, and scooted over to his side, eagerly picking up and unfolding the note. My fingers shook as I read the few brief lines.

Dearest Ami,

I'm sorry, but this can't work between us. We are just too different, and I'm thinking about your future. Stay away from me. This is for your own good.

Yasotaru.

I quickly read the note, but I couldn't bear reading it a second time. I neatly re folded it, and dropped it where I sat. My hands went to my face, and then the tears came. Thick, blinding and unrelenting tears ran down my cheeks, I shuddered and hiccupped, now full on sobbing. I now realized Yasotaru never loved me, he only said that to get what he wanted, and now that he had, he's gone for good. And me being naive and... And weak, i fell for him. My mother was right. My weakness might not have killed me this time, but it got me hurt. The worst part was the breaking in my heart that told me no matter what, I still loved him. I fell on my side, curling up into a ball and not caring when my bed creaked, when my sobs grew louder, or when my dad walked through my door.

"Ami what's wrong? Was it a nightmare?" He asked me, now pulling me into a sitting position, and hugging me around my shoulders. Concern evident on his face as he fought to find the reason of my distress. Knowing full well I couldn't tell him because I would get in trouble, I nodded at his question. A half truth because this really was a nightmare, but despairingly, I'm already awake.

"Aww sweetie, I'm sorry you had a bad drea..." He trailed off, and I was too busy at the time sniveling into his shirt to realize he had picked up the note from Yasotaru, and had read it. His hand patted mine with understanding, but the swear that came out of his mouth shocked me, the polar opposite of my fathers mannerisms toward me right now, and how he always acted.

"That bastard, hurting my daughter like this..." I soon stopped listening to my father, and tried to cover myself better with the blankets, thinking the situation would worsen if my father had found out what we had done last night. He assumed I wanted to go back to sleep and be by myself, so he told me he would be here if I needed him, and left without another word.

I laid there crying for so long, I lost track of time constantly, and was surprised that each time I check the clock hours had passed. I eventually pulled myself together enough to get some pajamas on, and the whole time I was getting ready, the phone on my wall glared at me. I tried to look away and ignore the temptation, but eventually it won, and I was dialing Yasotaru's number, listening to the dull ringing. And while I was waiting for him to pick up, I rationed that I at least deserved more than a note, and should hear from him what I did wrong.

Ring.

Ring.

I waited.

Ring.

Ring.

No answer.

"Hello, you've reached Yasotaru Haruguchi! Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, please call back later. Bye." His voicemail cheerily announced his absence, and I called so many times, but each time he refused to come to the phone,

I sunk a bit lower to the floor... Why couldn't I be stronger? I asked myself, and I fell asleep on the cold wooden ground.

The next morning, my back ached from my night on the un-carpeted flood, and I halfheartedly stretched before pulling back the comforters on my bed, and went back to sleep for the day. At least I didn't have work.

A few weeks later...

"Hey miss! Got another box for ya!" The boy standing in the truck called back to me, and I turned around to collect the other box, already nervous since the ones I was already holding were almost blocking my vision.

"Okay," I rasped, "I got it." I let out an exhausted noise, and lifted the pile of boxes again, careful to keep my balance and not drop the important supplies within. I knew from memory I was heading for the back entrance into the hospital, so I was about to balance the weight on my left arm, while using my dominant one to open the door when the nice boy from the truck opened it for me.

"There you go miss." He said. I thanked him and moved inside. But he wasn't done talking to me. "Hey miss... Are you feeling okay?" He asked. Still holding the door open to continue the conversation.

"Just.. A little tired." My stomach suddenly lurched, and I almost doubled over.

" Woah there!" The boy exclaimed, first steadying the boxes, then checking to make sure I was okay. "...And maybe a little nauseous..." I admitted, feeling a large amount of saliva filling up my mouth, and my stomach flip flopping. The boy ignored his bosses calls for him ' to get his useless butt back to work ' and helped my carry all the containers to the main office to be sorted out and distributed through the hospital. I thanked him yet again for his kindness, and he smiled at me, told me to take it easy since I wasn't feeling well, then left.

I sat down on a chair, and rested my head on my knees, the sandpaper like feeling of my uniform rubbing uncomfortably against my forehead. I groaned out loud, the jumped out of my skin when I felt a cool hand patting my back. The sudden movement only hurting my cramping stomach more.

"I've never heard you groan at work, you must be feeling pretty awful if you are now." I raised my head, and she paled. "You look horrible Ami!" My supervisor squeaked, her normally soft voice grated terribly at my oversensitive ears.

"Why are you even at work? You should be at home." She stressed, already easing me off the chair and in the direction of the front exit. "Now, I won't take no for an answer... You go right on home and -" she started instructing me, but I cut her off.

" I'm fine, I just need a minuet to-" This time I was cut off, but by the sinking feeling in my stomach, and the feeling of liquid traveling up my esophagus. "Be right back" I whispered, and clamped my hand over my mouth, broke free of her hold, and sprinted to the nearest bathroom. I almost didn't make it in time. I gripped the toilet seat, and threw up so violently everyone in there vacated immediately till it was only me and my supervisor, Shiki-Chan, who was rubbing small circles into my back. Once I was finished, she all but carried me to her car, and drove me all the way home.

I was sent to bed with no exceptions, with a bowl and cooling cloth to keep me company. While I was glad to be at home resting, a thought kept tugging at my mind. At first dismissible, but the more I thought about it, the more ill I became. I snatched the bowl off my floor, and retched into it again. I moaned, and set the bowl back down, now thinking that night over and over again till the possibility of my sudden illness became more possible. Could I... Could I be...

Authors note: sorry for the awkwardness of the start of the chapter, but this is rated teen so there was only so much I could do, plus it needed to happen because PLOT! :) hope you enjoyed, don't forget to comment if you liked this story, till next time.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: Hey readers! This note is basically me telling you not to expect another chapter after this one till after the weekend because I'm going to a place without internet. Anyways, enough about me, enjoy the chapter! :)

Chapter 4

(Cashiers perspective)

I sighed loudly, rubbing the back of my neck, and glancing longingly at the clock above me. It was just after 5, and I wouldn't get to go home anytime soon since the night replacement had bailed on me. Now I was stuck running the shop till the next morning. Hopefully the coffee machine won't break down. I settled down on a chair behind the counter, feeling better once I took some of the weight off my old bones, and sipped at my second cup of coffee. The light ringing of a bell alerted me that I had a customer, from over the counter I could see it was a young girl, short black hair, glasses, and dressed like she had just gotten out of bed. The other thing I noticed about her was she looked like something was troubling her, and her pale face suggested she was sick. Poor thing, having to buy your own medicine, didn't she have any family? I waved my hand, catching her attention.

"Can I help you with anything miss?" I asked her. She jumped, like she hadden't expected me to speak, and nervously pulled at her heavy coat, avoiding eye contact.

"Umm...where is your pharmacy isle?" Her voice was quiet, I almost didn't hear her at all, and was scratchy like she had been coughing too much."

I told her where she could find the isle, and even offered to help her more, but she politely refused and ventured to get what she had come for. I drank more from the steaming cup in my hand, almost finishing it before putting it down and rising out of the chair. I didn't expect the girl to be long, so I readied the cash register, and waited respectfully. Not five minutes later, the young lady marched toward the counter, a box clutched in her hand, and her face had turned slightly red in the cheeks. Her eyes were glassy too, and I figured she was feverish. I hope I didn't catch what she had and give it to the kids. She set the box down, and I rang it up.

"Okay, that'll be five dollars and..." I trailed off when I saw what she had really bought. What I had believed was simple medicine was really a pregnancy test. I looked up at the girl who was now fumbling with her wallet, and really saw her. Her eyes weren't glassy, she was on the verge of tears, her face wasn't feverish, she was fighting embarrassment and shame. Instantly I felt pity for the girl, she was just a kid, not much older than mine. "And forty-six cents." I said, and accepted her money.

She quickly took the box without a bag, and rushed to the door. I don't know why, but I felt bad for the girl, and I couldn't help but ask.

"Hey, miss? Are you going to be okay?" The girl slowly turned around, and at first she appeared to have not heard me, but before I repeated myself, she met my eyes for the first time upon entering the store, and gave me a little smile. Then shook her head before leaving. Poor kid.

(Ami's perspective)

Positive. The test was positive. I felt some tears gather in the corners of my eyes as I put my hand to my stomach. I was pregnant. I tried to call Yasotaru, but each time he never answered me. What was I going to tell him anyways? No, I don't think he would be able to handle it, hell, I don't think I can handle it. But regardless of what I was going to tell him, I left a message saying to call me, urgent business. Hopefully he would return my call soon. I made sure to hide the pregnancy test deep in the trash because I would be kicked out of the house if my mom found out, and waited for Yasotaru to call me back.

One week later...

I couldn't take it any longer! I kicked the weak screen from my window, breaking it in half, and climbed onto the roof. My adrenalin was still coursing through me, so I didn't care that I could wake my parents up, or HOW I got to the ground, all that mattered was that I got there. I crawled over to the edge, and reached down to take hold of the piping that ran up our home. How could Yasotaru have ever done this from all the times he snuck into my room? I thought to myself. Breathing in deeply, I tightened my grip, and swung my legs over.

Now, my house wasn't very big, only two levels with my room being on the second. But when you are dangling there, it may as well be over 100 stories up. Plus my fear of heights wasn't helping one bit. I bit down on my tongue the moment my mouth opened to scream, I had come too far to be pulled back into the house. So I released my shaky breath, and wedged my feet in between the house and the pipe, and climbed down.

When I reached the soft grass at the bottom, my wobbling knees collapsed beneath me, and I kneeled in the grass, cradling my stomach. Now that I had cleared that hurdle, I could calm down, and focus on the task at hand. I had heard somewhere that stress is bad for developing babies, and what i had to do next would most definitely involve high amounts of stress.

I hadden't seen Yasotaru in weeks, all I got from him after that night was a brief note, an answering machines voice, a broken heart, and his future child. I was going to keep it a secret from him, since he couldn't even stay by my side, how could i hope he would be around for our child? But somehow I came to the conclusion that he deserves to know. I would never force him to stay, he has his whole life in front of him, and he has the right to choose if he lives that life or raises his child. I glanced down at the small bump underneath my shirt, surprised to find small tears staining it and my face. I'm too young to be going through this, too young to make these decisions by myself. I sobbed Into my sleeve. I'm so afraid. Afraid for what my mother will do when she finds out, where will i go if she throws me out? How will i take care of the baby? My job at the hospital barley pays enough, and I had no hope that Yasotaru would stay to help, so i was on my own.

That's when I decided something, when I was bawling in my front yard like a baby. I could stay like this: a crying self loathing pitiful mass, or I could be strong and face this head on. I roughly swiped my tears away, sniffling pathetically one last time before rising to my feet, zipped up my jacket, and headed for his apartment.

By the time i had worked up the nerve to escape from my house, it was dark enough that the streets lights bathed the town in dim light, and except for the few stragglers rushing home from the late shift, I was alone on the street. Not only was it dark, it was very cold, and my thin jacket and scarf didn't block much of the chill. I wrapped my arms around my chest, keeping in as much heat as I could to me, and headed to Yasotaru's place.

It wasn't long before i started to get paranoid. I cursed myself every time I looked over my shoulder, i was giving into the fear, but I couldn't help it. I focused my improved hearing all over the street, picking up sounds of arguments happening in the appartments above, and the houses below. I picked up animals digging through the garbages, and distant foot scuffles. Nothing alarming though, so i relaxed a bit. I now put my new eyesight to the test, removing then slipping my glasses into my coat pocket, i saw my world with different eyes. i saw street signs blocks away, I read printing on windows from stories up, I even saw tiny cracks in the sidewalk. I wondered what was happening to me, I could sense things so much better than I could ever before, what's different about me now that wasn't weeks ago, in fact, my whole life? Well, one thing for sure was different. I ran my hand over my stomach absentmindedly, smiling to myself as I walked on, now a few blocks from his apartment. I breathed a sigh of relieve, then took a breath. And froze in my tracks.

My stomach rumbled, and my mouth watered. What was that delicious smell? I had been so hungry these past few weeks, and even though I had eaten everything in sight, it had barley kept me from starving to death. I was beyond worried for the baby, if I could not get full, how would it survive? A baby needs proper nutrients I reminded myself. So with a wistful glance in the direction of Yasotaru's apartment, I went in the direction of the smell.

I gripped my mercilessly grumbling stomach, and followed the wonderful smell, fearing if i didn't find it, I would finally starve. I wandered through strange and deserted streets, twisting labyrinth like ally ways, and ended up, right where I started. Right in front of Yasotaru's apartment. I growled in frustration, surprising myself that I could act like that, and inhaled through my nose again, but the smell was faint. I put my face in my hands, feeling overwhelmingly tired and unbearably upset.

I turned around, now heading directly to his building, when I heard strange sounds coming from a few buildings down. My breath caught in my throat, and my eyes widened. What was going in on? A robbery? A murder? A...ghoul attack!? I slapped my hand over my mouth, and was about to run in the other direction, when I smelt that sweet aroma again. Once more, I couldn't contain myself, and was in a trance. I stumbled over to where the sounds were coming from, and the first thing I saw was the blood.

I dropped to my knees again. Shocked beyond words or screams. The powerful, amazing smell was all around me, and there was no denying it: I had been salivating over a corpse. Tears filled my eyes, and I vomited at the site of the former humans mangled and torn flesh. I emptied everything that occupied my stomach, but that only made the hunger worse... What the hell is wrong with me!? I reached under my hood, and gripped at my short dark hair.

I suddenly picked up the sounds of steady footsteps slapping on the pavement, echoing off the high walls of the ally. My head shooting up, I looked wildly around, fearful for my life and my child's. I bit my lip hard, and pressed myself tightly against the brick wall, and prayed that I could blend into the shadows. The footsteps drew closer...closer...closer until the person was a few feet from my sad hiding place. The stranger stared down at the remains of the human, and to my horror, bent over, and began eating right in front of me. Oh man, not only was I far away from my home, I was trapped by a ghoul!

I tried to stay silent, but absolute terror pushed me forward, and I tumbled loudly to the ground. The ghoul looked up, startled by me. I saw clearly the ghoul hadden't even bothered too take his mask off, and blood was covering the open area of the mouth. The mask was the scariest thing I had ever seen. There was crude stitches everywhere, with a sickly green color for the face, bulging fake yellow eyes, and a mouth with a zipper that could stretch all the way up the mask imitating a deranged smile. I finally screamed, and fell over, clawing at the ground beneath me, wanting to get away as fast as I could, but fear was making me slow and immobile.

The ghoul advanced on me, his kagune out and ready to strike, and he didn't need the zippers on his mouth to show he was grinning like the Cheshire cat. I scrambled back faster, tearing my nails on gravel, and my hood completely blocking my vision. He struck first. His long kagune attached to his shoulder impaling the ground only inches away from me. at first I thought I was just lucky, but then I realized I was his prey... And he was just playing with his food. I screamed again, and he finally decided to shut me up for good. The ghoul pounced on me, his arms holding me down, and his mask a mere hairs breath away from me. It was all over. I braced myself for the end, and twisted my face away from his ugly disguise. I would regret if the last thing I saw on this earth was the ghouls death mask. It was at that exact moment that my hood fell from my face, and exposed my face.

My eyes were tightly shut, and I was holding in my breath, but nothing happened. I cautiously opened one eye, and saw the murderous ghoul had lost his grin, and was now gazing at me in what I could assume was horror. Confusion was all I could feel at the time. Why did he look scared of me? Why didn't he just kill me, why stop now? I was even more confused when he shakily backed off of me, and sat down across from me.

"...Ami...? Is that you?" The ghoul asked, in a scarily familiar voice that shook me to my core. All the blood drained from my face, and I'm sure my mouth popped open. I watched as the ghoul who had just tried to eat me reach around to unzip his mask, and slide it off, revealing his true self. I was right. I recognized him, the same blond hair, the same 5 o'clock shadow that never left his face, that same damn face stared right back at me. The only thing different was the eyes. They were terrifying. The ghoul had a fiery red iris that surrounded a black pupil, and an even darker black covering the whole eye. I never thought I would see those eyes on that face.

With trembling lips, I opened my mouth and replied to the ghoul. "Oh my god... Yasotaru?"

Authors Note: Hope you liked this chapter :) I just wana explain a few things first: 1) the girl in the beginning was Ami (just in case I caused some confusion) 2) if your curious why Ami suddenly can see well without her glasses, and can hear very well... Tune in next time Muhahaha! :) As always if you could leave a comment that would be amazing!


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note: Hey guys, sorry for the weekend absence, but here's the next chapter! Please enjoy, and remember to review because it let's me know how you are feeling about the story so far :) BTW very small spoilers for the manga and the anime. Warning! Slight squeamish factor! Read at own risk.

Chapter 5

I felt like vomiting all over again, except my stomach was growling angrily at me, refusing to give up any food that might be left. I inhaled again, but the smell had already turned sickly sweet, almost as if once I had realized what it was, i returned to my senses and found it revolting. That was true, for the most part. I was still starving, and every part of my body was telling me to eat what was in front of me. The body.

Yasotaru stepped toward me slowly, arms reached out, trying very hard not to be menacing. His eyes had even went back to normal, and his kagune was nowhere in sight.

"What are you doing here Ami?" He's questioned me seriously while still giving me space, figuring I would still be scared of him. He was right. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering violently, but not from the cold. Mostly it was because I found out my boyfriend was a ghoul, and I had found the smell of a half eaten corpse appetizing. Oh god. My hands flew to my mouth, and I leaned over to dry heave. I felt his warm hands on my back, soothing and calming me down while I got over this round of sickness.

Once I had finished, I wiped the spittle hanging from my mouth, and looked at him straight on. Though I was having trouble looking him in the eye.

"I was looking for you, I had something to tell you... But you wouldn't answer your phone." I sobbed, hands now going to my stomach, to fight the desperate hunger welling up inside me. He didn't notice my distress, and kept talking.

"I thought you would just forget about me, I did not plan on you wandering around at all hours of the night to find me. Do you have any idea what time it is!? You could have been killed." He rushed, almost like he forgot he HAD just tried to eat me.

"I almost was." I shot back. Forgetting about being nice. Gritting my teeth, arms tightly wound around myself.

He opened his mouth to retort some poor excuse, but wisely shut it. He thought over his answer more clearly, then went to speak again.

"Sorry. Didn't recognize you, sometimes its hard to see with the mask on " he shrugged, and gestured to the Frankenstein mask stuffed in his jacket pocket. "By the way, how did you find me?" He asked, curious now.

"Forget about that!" I rasped, fed up with the illusion of a normal conversation between us when there was a body torn apart lying just feet from me. "Aren't you supposed to be threatening my life, or killing me to keep me quiet that you are a ghoul?!" I shouted angrily at him, so upset that I hadden't even noticed it began to rain, swirling the blood around us. Only enticing me more. Yasotaru looked taken aback at my sudden outburst. But I was too shaken up to properly think about how much I was hurting him. My whole life was upside down, I was starving for human flesh, my body was changing, and on top of all that i was about to be killed for stumbling onto Yasotaru's secret. I braced myself for his answer, or for the finishing blow.

So I was beyond surprised when I heard only a sigh coming from him. "Do you think I could kill you Ami? I'm not like that. I could never hurt you." I sniffed quietly, he already has by leaving me without answers all those weeks ago. " But I do need to know now if you plan on turning me in." He continued suddenly. "it wouldn't be fair if you didn't give me a head start out of the 20th ward, hell, out of Tokyo all together." He chuckled weakly.

He wouldn't kill me? Why? Because we dated for a little bit? My thoughts raced a mile a minuet, was...was it possible he knew about the baby? No, he couldn't have. Impossible. So then what was it? Whatever, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that he is a ghoul, a dangerous one. I had heard the stories from my father, of a lone ghoul who stood out among the rest, who was violent and cruel, and who's victims didn't even resemble human beings once he was done with them. I shivered. I should turn him in, when I thought about all the lives he had taken, it made more and more sense that he should pay for what he's done. But then what? I get the man I had... I love killed, and my baby grows up without a father.

Oh god...the baby... For a second I couldn't breathe, and my heart stopped beating in my chest. Was it possible...? Could my child be a ghoul!?

I gasped suddenly, the sharp pains in my stomach intensifying. It...it felt like I was being eaten on the inside! I held my sides Tighter, and forced my next words out. "I...c-cant turn you in, I have no choice!" He had finally noticed the pain I was in, and held my face in his hands, tilting it up so he could meet my eyes.

"Ami, what's wrong?" He whispered. I groaned into his hands, and shook out of his hold, and crawled over to the body, now in a hunger induced daze that even Yasotaru couldn't bring me out of. I sat on my knees, and reached out for the arm that had been cast away in favor of the thicker meat. I decided on the arm, because I didn't know how much my human body and stomach could handle. I wonder if this was what my body had been craving for a month, what my baby had been craving. Guess I was about to find out. I settled myself on the ground, now sitting cross legged, and brought the arm to my lips. My nose disgusted, and telling me to throw it away, but my mouth filling up with saliva.

"Ami, what are you doing?" He moved closer to my side, but I had already taken a bite. It was like nothing I had ever tasted before. It was horrible, vile, revolting. And I couldn't get enough. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, spilling over my lips, and running down my throat. It was so thick I almost choked. The flesh was the worst part. No matter how fast I chewed, I couldn't get it down at first, so I took smaller bites which still didn't solve my problem. The skin of the former human was covered in clotting blood, dirt, saliva from when Yasotaru was eating, and other things I didn't care to mention. I could barley explain what was happening. I was acutely aware of Yasotaru watching me, but i ignored him easily, and tuned my thoughts back to my food. My mind rejected this meal, and I was almost sick a number of times, but my body hungered for it, like only now after many weeks of starvation, it was finally getting the nutrition it needed. The only other way I could explain it was to imagine you were out in the middle of the sweltering dessert. You had been without water for days, your throat had long since closed up, and your body and mind had weakened. You would do anything for water. And then you find it, a tall, glass of cool water. Of course you would drink it right away, who wouldn't? And in a way that's what I did. I downed the whole glass. I ate the entire arm.

When I was finally done, I wiped my bloodied mouth, which only made it worse by smearing it, and faced Yasotaru. For the first time in weeks, I was full. He stared at me in horror. Me. I guess I was a little more gone than I thought, because for a second I almost forgot I had just eaten a human. Huh. Strangely enough, I didn't care, I was just tired. I could feel my eyes drooping, but I let them. Finally feeling happy with myself for being a good mother because I had fed my baby. I patted my stomach, and giggled a little.

I soon discovered that I was now laying in Yasotaru's arms, and he was cradling me gently with a strange look on his face. I wondered what was wrong.

"What's the matter?" I asked him.

He looked at me incredulously. "What's the matter? I'll tell you: I just saw my girlfriend eat a human, and she seems completely fine with it." He finished, wiping a strand of hair out of my eyes. "What's going on Ami, I know your not a ghoul."

I shook my head, agreeing with him.

"So then whats going on? You never answered my question, why can't you turn me in?" He questioned gently. I looked up at him, knowing I had to tell him, but I was scared of what he would do to the baby. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of losing it, but I had to take a chance. I grasped his hand in mine, and slowly brought it to my covered lower stomach, and somehow managed to smile weakly at him. Even though this night had been the scariest, most stressful one of my life. Even though my heart was breaking at the thought of him leaving me alone with the child. Even though I realized I was in love with a ghoul. So I just smiled at him despite all that, trying to convey all the words, emotions, and feelings into that one act.

His fingers spread out along my stomach, at first he was lost in befuddlement, but when he met my eyes long enough, the terrifying truth dawned behind his blue iris's.

"Do mean...are you..?" He mumbled, half formed questions tumbling out of his mouth. I nodded slowly, and touched his scared face with my blood soaked hand.

"Yes, its true. I am carrying your child." And with that, I fell asleep in his warm arms.

(Yasotaru)

Nonononono no! This can not be happening I told myself, but how could I deny what was right in front of me? Ami is HUMAN! Its impossible she would be hungering for flesh like a common ghoul, and I especially could not ignore the small bump I felt under her jacket and shirt.

Since It was still pouring like crazy, and I tried to wake her up, but no matter how much I shook her, or how loud I dared to raise my voice, Ami would not wake up.

Well, I supposed she deserved this short reprieve from consequences, because when she woke up, Ami will never be able to live with herself. I shook my head, and slid my arms under her knees and around her back, scooting to the wall of brick on one side of the ally. Not wanting to jostle her too much, and not wanting to get anymore blood on myself nor her. I thought more about this perdicament. Even though Ami had not been the cause of death for this person lying on the gravel, because of the phrase she endlessly repeats, she will find a way to find herself guilty of hurting this person. I don't know why she does this to herself. She sees this as strength, but sometimes I worry she will always be the one hurting. I lightly rub some more blood off her face, and think about how I have hurt her myself: I forgot my place in the world as a ghoul, and allowed myself to fall for her, and her me. Told Ami I loved her, then left out her window just after she fell asleep. Decided that the possibility of her becoming pregnant with a ghouls child was to rare to even consider, and I had sex with her then made her go through a month of what I can only assume was fear from her mother finding out, and if she would raise it on her own without me.

Oh man, it took my own pitiful self loathing to realize I had to consider the life of my child growing inside Ami. I dont know what to think about this i thought, and i rested my head against the brick. I know that this had virtually never happened before, except for this one friend I know, who had managed to keep the infant and mother alive during pregnancy, and fathered a little girl. But that was a few years ago, and now only he was left of the small family. I knew the moment I learned that Ami was pregnant, I would stay be her side through this mess, just like my friend, and see it to the end. The only problem was I had no idea what to expect from this situation... Would the child be a hybrid? Could Ami's humanity and sanity continue coping with eating humans to satisfy this strange craving? So many questions made this choice so much harder, but I know deep in my heart that I would never be able to live with myself if I left Ami and this baby alone again. I decided that I would have to talk to my friend. I had no knowledge where he lived, but I knew he owned and ran a coffee shop nearby in the 20th ward, so I would stop by in the following days.

I had just carefully risen to my feet, Ami still safely in my arms, when I heard the voices coming our way.

"Reports say they heard a women's scream from around here, the situation presumed ghoul related. Procede with caution, this is Frakenstiens hunting grounds." One voice bellowed out, he was maybe a few minuets from where I was.

"Roger that. Quinkes out and at the ready. Beginning operation now, keep all residents out of the area until conclusion. Over and out." The man who was obviously in charge ordered, he sounded even closer to me. Their footsteps neared, and I just barley had enough time to cover Ami's face with her hood my own with my mask before they approached me from behind.

"Target acquired, SS rated ghoul Frankenstein spotted, determined too dangerous for cochlea, ordered to be killed on sight." A pause in his sentence. "He appears to be holding a young woman, additional orders say to apprehend Frankenstein at all costs, if we can save the girl, that's a bonus." He finished, and I felt myself anger over his cold words about Ami despite the threats on my life. These men were supposed to exist to keep humanity alive, and even though they slaughtered ghouls good and bad, you could at least say they were protecting their own race just like we did. But at that moment they failed to carry out their most important rule, and right now ghouls looked like more loyal beings than the humans. And we canabalize each other more than they do to themselves. I decided in that moment that they did not deserve to live.

I felt my kagune release from my shoulder, and I turned around just in time to see it pierce through his stomach. The leader went down without a sound, and his young partner screamed and lunged at me, his corpse weapon raised high. I shielded Ami from more blood splatter, and swiftly removed his head from the shoulders. Easy prey. I chuckled to myself, SS huh? I guess that makes sense. I made sure that no other doves were rushing toward us, then I headed for home, letting the rain wash away all the blood from me and Ami's faces. Leaving the two dead men for either the ghouls to pick at, or to be found in the morning.

Authors Note: Hello, sorry for the delay again, and I really hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Before I shut up, a few things I wana mention: 1) I don't know as of late how long this fanfic will be, still deciding, and 2)... You see what I did there? 'Friend' 'coffee shop' Lol wonder who it could be...


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: hey readers! Sorry for the wait, but this chapter was really hard to write for a few reasons: one, I was getting bad writers block. Two, I was getting doubt's about if anyone liked what I was writing. And three, a lot had to happen to advance the story, so I had to make sure I wrote it to the best of my ability. (BTW this is the third time I've tried uploading this, the site hates me! Lol) But you don't want to hear about my insecurities, you want read, so with out further adou: chapter 6!

Chapter 6

When I woke up, I realized I had absolutely no idea where I was. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and sat right up in bed, pulled back the soft mismatched blankets on top of me, and looked around the room I was staying in. Panicking at the unfamiliarity.

The walls were unoccupied except a for few shelves filled with books, the room also only held a dresser, a night table, and a bed for furniture. And the only way of appliances was a cheap lamp on the table beside me that was missing a lightbulb, and a small clock on the wall reading 7:40 am. In short, the small unnaturally tidy space was barren, almost like an unoccupied hotel room. And I instantly knew where I was. My erratic breathing slowed to a more normal pace, though I didn't entirely calm down.

Not wanting to stay any longer, I searched the floor for my socks, and quickly pulled them on before heading out the half open door. Thank god i had slept in my clothes. I tip toed out of the room, holding my breath while praying Yasotaru was sleeping so I could make a clean get away. I had just made it to the door when I heard him clear his throat.

"You sneaking out?" He called, and I jumped where I stood, my hand resting on the doorknob, and I let out a curse to convey my near heart attack. I slowly turned around expecting him to be standing in the cramped hallway with me, arms crossed, but he wasn't anywhere in my vision. I remained quiet, waiting to see where he was, hand still on the knob in case I needed to make a quick escape. I heard him sigh, and saw his rumpled bed head poke out from behind the wall leading to the kitchen.

"Hello~? Ami? You still here?" He asked again, and this time I answered him. I only wished I didn't sound as timid as I did.

"... Yes, I am still here. Do you know where my shoes are?" I quietly inquired, almost hoping he didn't hear me and i began searching for them myself, knowing I needed to get home as soon as possible because my dad must be worried about me. When I heard noises coming my way, I looked up in surprise to see him striding down towards me, his hands covered in... Egg yolk? And his pajama bottoms and loose T-shirt freckled with bread crumbs. He looked down at me while I was searching, and I moved slightly away from him, not comfortable being very close with anyone right now. He noticed and backed off, then pointed to the little closet beside me.

"Leaving so soon?" I nodded. He let out another sigh. "Your shoes are in there if you wanna head out, but I'm making breakfast if you want some." He offered, and then headed back to the kitchen. I sat there, perplexed. A ghoul making breakfast? Why? I wondered, but my stomach answered for me. He must have been making food for me since he couldn't eat human food. My stomach growled loudly, and I placed my hand over it, surprised by the sudden onslaught of hunger. Yasotaru must have heard it too, because he poked his head out again, and saw me in the exact same place I was.

Yasotaru yelled out again: "Food's getting cold, take it or leave it." My stomach grumbled demandingly once more, and while I was very hungry, I needed to be heading home now. I would very likely be in trouble for the damage I inflicted on my screen, sneaking out, and staying out till morning. So the sooner i got home, the sooner i could make up for what i did, and get the punishment over with. But if i were being truly honest with myself, i didn't want to stay in the same apartment with him because of how hurt and betrayed i still felt from the last time we were together like this. I knew i was being unreasonable, but i was feeling pangs of nostalgia from our close proximity and his actions that left my heart aching, so I told Yasotaru I was leaving, but thanks for the offer.

He decided he wouldn't take no for an answer: "Ami, I can hear your stomach growling from here, just one slice of toast won't do any harm, you're clearly hungry. Then you can leave." He insisted, and I got another reminder of how he used to look out for me, and how kind he was. I guess some things never do change. I almost smiled at that thought, but quickly dropped it. But everything had changed, hadden't it? Him, me, my life. I was going to refuse him again politely, but I didn't want to upset him more, so I stood up, and finally released the doorknob before heading towards Yasotaru's kitchen.

When I turned the corner, I couldn't believe my eyes. My ex-boyfriends kitchen was the biggest room in the small apartment, and every inch of it was a mess. Yasotaru had made me breakfast, but I could barley recognize it as that on the one plate at the table. His counters were covered with pieces of burn bread and failed egg experiments, and the smoke in the kitchen was making it hard to see, much less breathe.

Nevertheless, I promised that I would eat something, so I focused on that and leaving as I sat down on the cold wooden stool, and picked up a half torched piece of toast. I nibbled at the good part, which wasn't too bad, and noticed Yasotaru sit down on the opposite side of the square table without a plate in sight, which for a moment caught me off guard. Then I remembered last night, and it made sense. Even though I knew he was a ghoul, i guess it was still strange to see him not eating, because I was under the impression he had a large appetite when I thought he was human. Guess he had choked down the food just to appear normal around me, I thought sullenly, but forced the thought away.

I looked back down at my plate, but finally chose to speak as I picked at my questionable eggs.

"Thank you for the meal." I whispered. And I glanced up at him through my eyelashes to see him nod slightly.

"You're welcome." He said. A pause, then."I feel i have to apologize for the less than pitiful breakfast. I have no need for cooking skills, so you are paying the price for that now." He chuckled nervously, running his fingers over a dent in the table, and I could tell he was trying to start a conversation to get past the heavy silence in the room. "At least tell me its not horrible, but if it is I can go out and buy something else. It's no trouble" I shook my head at him, and placed my fork back down on the plate.

"That's not nessesary. No apologies needed, and you don't need to waste your money on me, I'm honestly not very hungry."

Yasotaru winced at my overly formal words that I never used around him, and laid his hand on mine unexpectedly, starting to say something, but stopped when I sucked in a surprised breath and stiffened instantly. Very quickly yanking my hand away. I soon regretted my spontaneous actions when I saw Yasotaru's hurt face again. I held back my oncoming tears and stood up suddenly. I could not stay here any longer, I could not continue to make people upset around me, but at the same time: I should not upset myself.

"I.. I'm sorry, but I need to go." I said, and turned on my heal, all but running to the door.

"Wait!" He yelled after me, but I ignored him, swiftly tugging on my shoes, and exiting his apartment. I briskly walked toward the elevator, and hastily punched the button that would take me to the lobby. Never once looking back.

"Wait Ami! Hold on, let me talk to you. There are things I need to say." He shouted, but by the time he reached me, I was already in the elevator and the doors had shut. I backed up against the wall, slid to the floor, and my arms wrapped around my knees as i dealt with the turmoil going on in my head: Why did he have to look so upset when I jerked my hand away? He obviously has no feelings for me, and probably never did -I don't want to know how he felt when we spent time together anymore - even if he did, does he have ANY idea how it felt to wake up that morning alone? Did he feel any remorse using me for sex and then throwing me away? I doubt it. I should never have gone out looking for him last night, it was a huge, humiliating mistake. Now he knew I was pregnant, and I still had no idea how he reacted to that knowledge. He most likely didn't want anything to do with it or me, so leaving now was seeming like the best thing I could do for myself and the child. I clasped my coat zipper, and roughly did it up, taking a deep breath.

I kept seeing his face back in the room, and when he was running towards me. What was so important that he needed to tell me? Oh well, it doesn't matter anyway.

When the elevator finally reached the bottom, I stood up unsteadily, and was swiping away at angry tears while dashing out the door, covering my eyes from the too bright sun and onlookers who could see me crying. I was about two feet out of Yasotaru's apartment when someone's hand took hold of my arm, and kept me from walking anywhere. Scared, I turned around and swung my other arm at the stranger, hoping to distract him so I could escape, but he grabbed my other arm and rendered it useless. I was about to kick them when the stranger spoke up.

"Hey! Ami stop its me!" Yasotaru said, but I still struggled to get away from him. "Please let go of me, why did you even follow me out here?" I asked him, straining against his grip.

"Because I never got a chance to explain things, I know your mad at me, furious even, and you have every right to be. But you need to hear what I have to say, then I promise I will leave you alone forever." He said, and I stopped pulling against him, and just stood there silently.

"Of course I'm mad at you." I whispered, vaguely surprised by how much I meant it, but to distraught to care. Leave me alone forever? Doesn't he realize that's what has me so upset? Yes him being a ghoul shocked me, and I don't know what to think about that but I would have tried to understand had he just TOLD me. "What could you possibly have to say that can fix all this? Why do you even think I'm so upset?" I asked quietly. He stepped closer to me, almost talking in my ear. "This Isn't the best place for this, would you consider going somewhere to-"

"No. I'm going home." I said, and waited for him to release me. He did, but followed me after I started walking.

"At least let me explain on the way, and after I'm done, you can ask me anything you want." He pleaded with me.

I stopped mid step. I did have questions I wanted to ask him, most of them about last night, but how could I be sure he would tell the truth? He's been lying to me the whole time we've been together, did I owe him time to explain himself? I thought about all these things, and came to the conclusion that my curiosity outweighed my reasonable thinking to just walk away.

I turned to him. "Okay, you can explain anything you want." He nodded his head in thanks, and let out a relieved breath, but I continued. "But only if I get to ask my questions first, and if I'm not happy with my answers I'm walking away, and I want you to stay away." I finished, and I could tell he was not expecting what I just said, but he agreed anyway and we went to get a cup off coffee because I felt I would probably be needing one.

We had just left from the cafe, both holding our drinks in our hands, and I figured Yasotaru just bought one for show, so I was shocked when he took a long sip from his without puking or spitting it out.

"Wait a minuet, I thought Ghouls couldn't eat or drink normal food" I questioned him quietly, hoping no one could hear me as i stared wide eyed at his cup.

"And that's true, except for coffee. I honestly have no idea why we can consume it normally, but it helps if we have at least one thing we can digest to blend in with the crowd." To prove a point, he sipped at his drink again, and smiled contentedly. I felt my cheeks darken a bit at his carefree smile despite myself. If I hadden't known any better, I would have thought he was happy, instead of how anxious I knew he was at the moment. He is a great actor I reminded myself. But I also reminded myself why I was talking to him, and ran through my list of questions.

"Okay, I have some questions now." I said.

"As do I, but we can get to mine later." He replied

"First question:" I rushed along, "what happened last night? Why was I at your house this morning?" I inquired, taking another sip, and looking around at my surroundings. We were just wandering aimlessly through the random alleys around the main street, and thankfully not a lot of people were walking around because it was only 8:45 so we didn't look too suspicious... 'Too' being the key word. We still got glances, but not as many as we could have gotten had we left later on in the day.

He took his time to gather a response. "Its a long story... You want the brief one or long one?" He asked.

"Let's start with brief, then go into detail when I need more clarification." I requested.

"Alright then. Last night I went out hunting, and then suddenly you show up, all scared and gripping your stomach like it was hurting you. You kept going on about how hungry you were, and then you..." He trailed off, and i told him to continue, I could handle this. He shook his head sadly, and I could tell he didn't think I could, or the revelation would seriously upset me. Now i was getting worried. What did I do last night I wondered, getting nervous and clasping the cup of now cooling coffee in my hands tightly, almost piercing the thin material with my nails.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Please continue, I need to know." I said

"You... You ate a human arm." He announced flatly. There, no holding back whatsoever. Man, I wished now he would have held that part back. But there's no going back from hearing this.

He was right. I couldn't handle it. My stomach churned, and I felt the toast and... Whatever else was in my digestive track slowly rise up my throat. I gaged, and roughly swallowed the rising bile till the nausea passed. A few people looked at me, but soon returned to whatever they were doing. My clouded memories from last night suddenly sharpened, and I knew he was telling the truth. Oh god, I... What have I done?

"Hey, its okay Ami. Its all going to be okay." He proclaimed. No, no it wasn't. But I pushed back my horror for what I had done back into my mind, and continued with my questions. Not wanting to dwell on the horrible... Disgusting things I was remembering by the second... The blood, the feeling and taste of the skin was enough to make me shudder.

"I'll deal with this later. I need to know some more things."

He didn't pause. "Anything you want to know."

"Why didn't you tell me what you are?"

He laughed, but more darkly then before. "Same reason we all don't reveal our true selves to the humans: fear. I feared telling you especially Ami, hell, your own father works for the group that kills us." He muttered.

"Is that why you left me that morning? Because you found out what my father does for a living?" I offered. He nodded his head.

"So what? I could have explained that you are a good person.." I tailed off, I could tell as I spoke the words, that there was never going to be a way my father would except Yasotaru to who he was. He agreed with me.

"I'm not a good person Ami, yes I love you more than anything else in this world." I stiffened at his words, not realizing there was a chance he actually felt anything for me. "But you know about me, my Frankenstein persona. I am probably the most dangerous ghoul wandering the streets of the 20th ward, and you saw that last night when I attacked you, when you saw what was left of the body. Your father wouldn't hesitate for a second to kill me."

I knew he was right, but the way he talked about my fathers work had me wondering about his clear disdain for ghoul investigators, why did he hate them so much? Even to leave in the middle of the night just to get away from the daughter of one. The investigators were the good guys, weren't they?

"Please don't misunderstand me when I ask you this, because I'm sure you must have reasons." I began hesitantly, my hands twist together after I discarded the practically full coffee cup. I had maybe taken 5 sips. Yasotaru remained silent, waiting for me to continue. "But I was wondering, why do you hate the ghoul investigators so much?" I quizzed him, and this time, his silence lasted for minuets, his face slowly taking on the appearance of sadness, contempt, misery, and longing.

My hands tightened together, and i told him he didn't have to answer this if he didn't want to. Comprehending loud and clear this must be personal, and crossing the boundary lines. No matter how mad and upset i was at him, i get some things are painful to be shared at the wrong time, or even at all. But he said he promised to be truthful with me about everything and answer all my questions, so I then told him to take his time. When he felt ready to talk, he gave me the answer.

"I don't want to hate them. I grasp they do what they feel is right by the human race, but some of the things they have done are inexcusable." He accused, and his eyes focused on the ground we walked on, no longer wearing the face of a happy young man. I made it obvious I wasn't following, and he went into more detail. "You have to know something Ami, there are some very, very bad ghouls out there. Myself included. But there are those who are good, who go months without eating, who have never attacked people, who only eat the already dead. I know these ghouls, I have friends who are like this, and I had family who were like that." He now took in a shuddering breath. "I had a mother, a father, and a younger brother. A family of peaceful ghouls, but that didn't matter to them. The investigators. My father was the first to be hunted down, he was on his way back from gathering meat from a suicide victim, and they killed him on the street like a sick sideshow attraction." He spat out angrily, but continued. "Next was my brother. He was afraid to eat after our father was executed, and went a long time without food because he feared being killed by the doves. Eventually his sanity crumbled away, and he attacked some woman one night, and got caught by some young dove. He was only eight." He revealed, and I wiped the new tears that gathered in my eyes. Not being able to imagine the agony he went through losing a sibling. I know Hana is difficult to deal with, but I still love her, and would weep if something were to happen to her. I now completely saw his reasoning for hating the human investigators. But one thing still confused me. One part left out.

"What about your mother?" I gently pried, and Yasotaru slowly shook his head. "She wasn't hunted at first, she became depressed and wasted away. Much like my brother, she refused to eat, and in the end, begged me to end it all. So because I couldn't stand too see her starve herself, I force fed her everyday, and she seemed to get better over time. Even began smiling again." I kept quiet, waiting for the inevitable punchline. "But then one day, I came home and saw in the news that my mother had been on a rampage through the 19th and 18th wards, and was killed on sight. That is why I hate ghoul hunters, they killed the good ghouls, and left me alone in the world." He finished his tale, and I could stand it no longer, I stopped walking and threw my arms around him. Some part of me still raged over what happened between us, and that there was so much to talk about: like the baby, what we are to each other, and what I'm going to tell my parents when i start showing. But even though I don't truly know how he feels about me, I know I still care for him, and didn't like seeing him this depressed.

At first he didn't reciprocate, but slowly and surely, his arms went around me, and we stood there for who knows how long, just hugging each other. I ran my hands through his hair, and whispered in his ear. "Yasotaru, I am so very sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine how hard its been." I felt him nod against my shoulder, and he pulled away.

"Thanks. I appreciate you listening." He said. I inclined my head, and we kept walking.

"So.." He started, and I looked up at him. "I should probably start explaining myself, shouldn't I?"

"No, you have just explained everything I needed to hear. I get it. Though I'm still a bit upset, and confused as ever about some things, I get why you left, why you stayed away, and why you didn't tell me what you are. Don't get me wrong, I don't know where we stand at the moment, that's a conversation for another time. But, " I said, and watched his face turn from surprised to confused, "I want to try and make things right between us. Whatever that takes... Within reason of course." I smiled for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and put my hand to my stomach, feeling the small bump again for the hundredth time. "We aren't just thinking about ourselves anymore."

"Yeah, I know... I know" Yasotaru repeated, but then backtracked us back onto the previous conversation, leaving the old one in the dust.

" But really? Your okay with everything you just heard?"

I thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah."

"So you have nothing else you want me to say?"

"Now that you mention it, yes. What were you trying to tell me back at your apartment?" I reminded him, amazed I had forgotten.

"Oh yeah, that." He mused anxiously, and I got flashbacks to another time when he was this flustered in front of me: when he confessed. I dismissed the memory, and listened to him speak.

He took a deep breath. "I, um, gave this a lot of thought, and I know - believe me - the circumstances are not favorable to be telling you this right now, right here, but... If you would let me, and its completely up to you: would you allow me to get to know my child? And be there when they grow up?" He licked his dry lips. "I guess what I'm really asking is, can I help raise our baby? I will be there every step of the way if you'll let me. I won't make or let you go through this alone."

I don't know if this is overdramatification of my feelings, but at that very moment the dread in my stomach that's been constant for weeks just... Disappeared. And the weight resting on my shoulders for over a month evaporated, but that's just how I felt on the inside, on the outside I was smiling widely. He really was fine with sicking around to look after our kid? I almost couldn't believe it, but I know I wasn't hearing things. He honestly would not leave me alone with his child, and I don't think I can get any happier than I was right now.

I realized he was waiting for a reply, so I choked a surprised, but wonderfully relieved: "yes." Yasotaru looked so unbelievably happy right there I almost gave him another hug, but then I remembered I forgot to give him the rest of my reply.

"But only if you want that. And only if you promise to stay, to never leave like you did last time, and to be the best father you van be. Those are my conditions." I stated, and dropped the smile to show how serious I was being, and he seemed to get it.

"I promise."

When i came to the conclusion I had avoided fate and reality long enough, I told Yasotaru I need to go home, and he should probably leave because my dad would most likely still be mad at him. But he adamantly refused, telling me he would deal with it, and that even though it was still early, it was dangerous to walk anywhere alone in this ward. While I was happy I didn't have to venture home by myself anymore, he and I knew what was waiting for us.

It didn't take long to reach my house, and already I could feel this was going to be bad. I have never snuck out of the house before, much less stay out all night till morning, so the punishment wasn't going to be pretty. I felt Yasotaru's hand close around mine comfortably, and this time I did not shake it off. I would need all the support I can get, because I am terrified of what my mother will do.

Yasotaru felt and saw my shaking, and looked down in concern. "Ami, are you OK? He asked me, probably already knowing why I was so scared to walk into my own home.

".. Yeah, fine.. Fine." I murmured, and tightened my grip on his fingers.

"Are you going to be alright? Will she hurt you? Will he? Because if they try, I will protect you."

I avoided looking at him. "No, my father has never laid a hand on me. But I don't know what mom will do." I shivered remembering my mothers last cruel words, and when she hit me. I did not want to go home, but I was already here.

"Are you going to tell her your pregnant?"

"I don't know, but she will find out eventually."

"Ready to go in?"

"Not even a little bit."

We held onto each other as we climbed the porch steps, and rang the doorbell.

Authors Note part 2: Again, sorry for the wait, and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter... Till next time! :)

Comments:

Yay! Someone got that reference! Yes I believe you are right about who I mentioned a chapter back, you must be a big fan (like I am) to have picked up on that. Anyways thank you very much for the moment :) hope you are enjoying the story so far!

First ofall, thank you for that compliment! Really means a lot to me :) and yeah I like the background mysterious characters we don't know a lot about as well, and I wanted to write a Tokyo ghoul fanfic for soo long, so I decided to focus on kaneki's mom. And the two things you mentioned at the end: I already had an idea to do something like what you said, but I won't tell which one because... Spoilers! Last but not least, thanks again for the comment in general, its nice to know I have readers :)


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note: Told ya I would update soon :) the only reason it wasn't up sooner was because I need a few days to edit sometimes. Anyways I would like to thank all the people so far who have favorited and commented on the story! Really means a lot to us authors (don't worry the story's not over yet)

: Since your comment was in Spanish (that's totally fine BTW) I had some trouble getting the right translation, but I eventually got it, and I want say an extra special thanks to you for the kind words, and that you have followed the story since chapter one. I'm ecstatic to have a dedicated reader like you (sorry for being so mushy Lol) and here you go: the reactions (wink wink)

Without further adou, chapter 7!

Chapter 7

I had only just pressed my shaking index finger to the bell, when the front door swung open, and I saw the face of my glaring mother. I shrunk back, wanting more than anything to run in the other direction, but Yasotaru's hand on mine kept me in place. I avoided eye contact for as long as I could, but eventually my face tilted up and I saw her again, still furious.

"Where have you been?!" She bursted out, destroying the silence around us. I flinched a second time, but held contact. I felt Yasotaru's arm creep around my shoulders and hold me snugly, letting me now he was here for me as well as let my mother finally acknowledge his presence. He spoke up then, and her head turned sharply to him.

"Pardon me Mrs. Kaneki, Ami was out with me last night. I need to tell her something important, and it couldn't wait. She stayed at my place last night, and I assure you she was safe, and the only reason we're so late is because I made her breakfast before we left." He declared smoothly, though a bit stiffly, almost like he was holding back his true words.

It was his turn to get a glare. "I don't recall asking you, and don't make up excuses for her, she has a tongue therefore she can speak without you." My mother spat, and her arm shot out and grabbed mine in a tight grip. "I think you've been out of the house long enough, come inside and we will decide how you will be punished." She finished, and started pulling me inside. At first Yasotaru resisted her, but I told him I would be fine, and call him later. That's when the door slammed shut.

My mother's grip instantly loosened, like she didn't want another second to go by while we were touching, and I braced myself for the yelling... What I got was vastly different than what I had initially expected. She hugged me. Moms arms wound themselves around me, and she held me close. I was too shocked, so I just stood there with my arms board straight.

"Oh Ami! I was so worried, your father and I couldn't sleep the whole night, he was out searching for you till dawn, and I called every single one of your friends to see if you were there." She sobbed, her hands squeezing me so tightly she cracked my spine, and it hurt to breathe. While I was surprised she had called everyone I knew to find out where I was, and her reacting like this, I was still enveloped with a cold feeling: My mother hadden't even gone out of the house to look for me. On many levels I understood why she can't leave the house, why she hadden't left the house in years. When I was younger, around ten, my mother had been running home late from work, and was attacked by a ghoul. The ghoul had gone crazy with hunger, and had already taken a bite out of her leg before my father and the other investigators got to her and killed it. I can even begin to guess what kind of psychological trauma that would have caused her, and how it would be hard for her to leave the house, but not even when your child is missing in ghoul infested Tokyo? While she was hugging me this thought ran through my head on repeat, and I still couldn't bring myself to return her hug. I also made a vow right then and there that if the child growing inside of me this very second were to go missing or I could not find them, no matter what I would run out the door and never look back. No matter what danger they got me into, or what I had to do to get them back.

Oh yeah, that reminded me of what Yasotaru said. Would I tell my mom about the baby? How could I? The child is probably a hybrid, so I doubt my mom with her fear of ghouls or my father who hunts them for a paycheck would accept it and Yasotaru. But how couldn't I tell them? Even though me and mother don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, and me and Hana bicker, I still love my family. Plus in a few months it won't matter how I feel, I won't be able to hide my growing stomach with baggy shirts and sweaters forever. I think I had made up my mind to tell her when she continued with her welcome home speech.

"And when he came home saying there was a Frankenstein incident near the area, I didn't know what to think! I was so worried Ami, you have no idea."

I really didn't. And thankfully mom didn't notice how I tensed when she mentioned my ex boyfriends alias.

"Mom, i-"

"Whatever, I'm just glad you are home safe." She smiled at me, and I shivered on the inside, knowing I was about to ruin her mood, and just praying dad was in the house so this could be easier. I knew dad would be on my side. Its now or never, no sense keeping it a secret.

"Mom, listen to me-"

She interrupted me again. "But that doesn't mean you won't be punished Ami, you are grounded for a month for sneaking out of the house, and you are forbidden to use the phone for a week. At least your not dating that boy anymore, so you won't be missing anything while you are inside. Speaking of which, why were you at his apartment anyways? I mean I'm glad you were somewhere safe, but I would like to know what was so important you needed to sneak out" She half demanded, her voice just soft enough for her words not to be threatening. Well, here it goes. I straightened my spine as much as I could, and began explaining, hoping to sound somewhat confident I was doing the right thing by telling my mom this, even though I somehow knew this would sever the relationship between us.

"I went over to his apartment because... Because, we had to discuss something important." I mumbled. " I had to tell him I ... I am pregnant with his child." I was shaking now, fingers digging into my jeans, and I numb all over from terror. I feared her reaction, hell, I feared Hana's and my fathers reaction. But not as much as hers.

My mothers face completely smoothed out, all jovialnesss melting away into something a lot more scarier: absolute calm. I wasn't expecting this from her either, I expected to be hit, to be yelled at, to be sent to my room. Not this Erie passiveness. We didn't speak for awhile, and by then I had to sit down on the couch because my knees kept shaking. She sat down too, on a different couch the cushion farthest away from me. Mom clasped her hands in her lap, and thought for awhile as I waited in horrible tension.

"Ge...ou..."

At first I didn't hear anything, so I asked her to repeat what she said. My mother spoke louder. "Get out of my house, right now." I shrank back again from her words, my face paling instantly, and my ears buzzing.

"I, I beg your pardon?" I stuttered, not believing my words or hers. Did my own mother just tell me to leave my house?

She didn't pause or stammer. Unlike me. "Get out of my house Ami, I will not look after a disgrace." She slowly rose to her feet, and walked over beside me. "I will give you thirty minuets to collect your belongings, then I want you out of my sight." Then she moved away towards the kitchen. I quickly got up after her and followed.

"W-wait! Why? Why are you doing this? I have no money, I have no steady job, where would I stay? I have nowhere to go!" I yelled that last part, shocking both of us. This time I knew she would hit me, but yet again, she surprised me. My mom just shrugged off my hand that was holding her shirt, and didn't even turn around to see my now tear streaked face.

"You should have thought about that before you got knocked up. If you don't have a place to stay, go live with your boyfriend." She monotoned. I couldn't believe this... My only mother in this world was kicking me out for being pregnant. How was I going to survive? Didn't she care about her grandchild? There's no way I could move in with Yasotaru, we aren't even dating anymore, and even if we were, I couldn't put that burden on him. No, there has to be a way mom will let me stay, just a little longer even. I would probably do anything at this point...

"No, please, I'm begging you. Please just let me stay until I can figure something out, then I'm gone, you don't have to deal with me again." I pleaded, speaking through the sobs.

"Don't you see Ami, its not you, its that thing inside of you. You may not understand why I'm so furious about this, but your not a mother." A disdainful look at my stomach, "..yet, you don't know how it feels to have a disgrace in the family, my own sister was cast out of the house for the similar reasons, and I refuse to suffer the humiliation again. But I will offer you this: get rid of the child, and I'll let you stay." She offered coldly, finally turning around to see me, her arms crossed over her chest. Awaiting my response.

Get rid of my baby? Our baby? There was no way I would... No way i could EVER do that. Though I wasn't doubting my choice for a second, I thought about how if I went through with this, I would be kicked out of my house, barley able to afford food or clothing. It would be certainly very difficult. But then I thought about the things I could do once I finally met my child that I would never be able to do if I gave into my weakness, like teaching it to walk, hearing his or hers first words, or just watching them mature into an adult. No, my mind was made up the moment the stick turned positive. I am keeping this baby, the gains outweigh the con's, and terminating this child would be a huge mistake.

"Have you made up your mind, Ami?" My mother asked.

"Yes I have. I decided that I am going through with this pregnancy mama." I confirmed, but almost chocked on that last word. I noticed my mother stiffen as well at my use of her old nickname. I haven't called her 'mama' since she came home that night after the attack, since she stopped being my mama. After that night I only saw snippets of her, like when she just hugged me, or the smiles and kind words I would sometimes get, but other than those rarities, she hasn't been the same.

"I see," mom drawled, and continued to the kitchen. This time I didn't follow her. "Then leave as soon as your packed, and stop your crying and begging. Its pathetic."

The tears continued to fall as I stood there, taking in everything she had said to me, and thinking about all the times she has hurt me, called me weak, said I was a disappointment... This wounded me the most. But I still couldn't bring myself to despise her. I know she's like this now because her overprotectiveness rose exponentially after the attack, and she never wanted anything bad to happen to me, but at the same time, nothing bad can happen to me because she never let me make mistakes, or judge for myself. And I know somewhere she must love me, and deep inside my mother she cares for what becomes of my child, how could she not? But she also doesn't want to repeat the humiliation she dealt with in her own family. So by going through everything I knew about my mother, I understood I could never truly be mad at mom for what the world did to her, but only be sad for how she took it out on herself and me. So I did what she said, the tears slowly dried in my eyes and on my cheeks, and I ascended the stairs to my bedroom to gather my belongings.

On the way to my room, I passed Hanna's open door, and i peered inside then noticed she was sitting cross-legged on her bed. I tried to pretend I wasn't crying, but Hanna was smart enough to notice I had been.

"How much did you hear?" I asked her, and she shook her head to herself. "Enough. Is it true?"

"Yeah, its true."

"So your just going to leave us? How could you? We are your family, not Yasotaru." Hanna argued, her voice quivering and she gripped her knees.

"No, your right he's not. But this baby is, and if I don't get rid of it mom won't let me stay at home. You must have heard that part." My sister nodded, but I could tell she was upset with me, at her younger sister leaving her behind at home.

"I did. But that doesn't explain why you would go through with this for a kid you don't even have yet, why would you be willing to leave for it?" She questioned me. And it was my turn to shake my head at her.

"I'm not willing Hanna, no part of my wants this. But mother was very specific about this: either get rid of the baby, or leave and never come back. I didn't expect you to be OK with this, but you can see me whenever you want, its just I'm not allowed here anymore...I won't end a life, I refuse to do that." I tried to reason with her, but Hanna was just getting started.

"OK, i get that, by why can't you, you know, give it up for adoption. You could stay with us, and the baby can live with people ready to be parents. Please consider it Ami." She pleaded, but I wasn't changing my mind. I don't know how I could ever hope to explain to my older sister that even though I don't yet know my child, I love them already, and could not bear to part with them. Also our baby was most definitely a hybrid, so regardless of the fact that I had no idea what to expect from this pregnancy, or how to ensure its survival, I could not give it away to someone else. Though the child may be only half ghoul, people would still be eager to kill it, and Yasotaru warned me that even ghoul parents might do the same because of its half human side. Fearing an abomination. A mixing of two similar but wildly different species.

"I can't do that either. Would you be able to let other people take away a baby that was born from you, Hanna?" She looked at me in shock and anger.

"If it meant Id be allowed to stay with my family: yes, I would."

I smiled sadly, "I guess that's how we're different then, if you would like to help me pack I would appreciate it." I offered, wanting to spend my last minuets in my beloved childhood home with my sister, I would have loved to spend it with my father also, but since he wasn't home I guess I need to call him later to tell him the news. How ironic was it that i wanted to be the last person to leave this house, instead I'm the first. I had hoped I would hear the creaking of bedsprings, signaling my sister was getting up to help me, but Hana didn't move from her spot.

"This is selfish and you know it, I can't believe you can do something like this." She spat, and I felt pain in my heart, but hearing those familiar words in my mind, I let her say those things to me.

"I know, I'm sorry Hana." I turned to leave, but something held me there, an overwhelming feeling of dread and icy certainty wash over me. I peaked my head into Hana's room again, and saw she was fighting back the same tears as I was.

"Hana?"

She sniffed, "what do you Want Ami?"

"I need to ask something of you, as a sister." I cautiously began, knowing she had full right to turn me away. She had it in her mind I was abandoning her, and I guess in a way I was, but there were things she could never understand, so in a way I was only trying to help her. The penalty for keeping a ghoul a secret was a serious offense, and I wanted to keep her from all the trouble I seem to be inviting into my life. I almost thought of how strange it was that the little sister was protecting the older one, but I was too upset to laugh.

"... What is it?" She responded suddenly, and I got the chance to ask the question I felt was important at that moment.

"If... If something were to happen to me or Yasotaru, in the near or far off future, can I count on you to look after our children? I don't believe mom would do it, so that leaves you."

"My, aren't we only thinking of ourselves today?" I sucked in a sharp breath of surprise at her words, but thankfully she wasn't done speaking. "But yes, if it ever comes to that, I will watch over your kids." Hana whispered, and as much as I wanted to hug her, to thank her for this and all the things she has done for me throughout my life, I know she wouldn't appreciate it. So I just nodded my head, and left.

After all my stuff had been packed, I took one final look around my room, remembering each and every year I had lived here, recalling all the memories. Good and the bad. The time me and my sister drew on the walls (I smiled despite my situation at the still noticeable yet faint crayon marks), the many times Yasotaru snuck into my room, the day he snuck out, and when my mother and father would sleep in my room with me on stormy nights. I wiped away a stray tear, and closed my door behind me. Hana hadden't left her room since I went in mine, and mom was still in the kitchen when I came downstairs to call Yasotaru to come pick me up. I breezed past her, my bags in hand, and I went to the phone and dialed his number.

"Hey its me." I said when I heard him connect the call.

"Ami, thank you so much for calling me! I was so worried the way she tugged you inside, are you okay?" I relaxed slightly after hearing his smooth but concerned voice over the phone, and I was aware of my mom watching me and listening to our conversation, but that was okay by me. If she wanted to overhear us that is her choice.

"I'm fine, but could you come and pick me up? I'm leaving now, and I don't want to walk alone." I asked him. He quickly replied.

"Of course! But you know I don't have a car right now, so I might be a bit waiting for the taxi and all."

"No, you don't have to go through all that-"

"Sweetie you sound like your on the verge of tears, I'm not making you walk." He kindly insisted, and I heard him lock his door in the background. Not feeling like it was worth it to put up resistance, I agreed.

"OK, I will be waiting outside my house, thank you Yasotaru." I mumbled, Slinging my duffle bag over my shoulder.

"Of course, its no problem. I will be there soon Kay? Just hang on for a bit."

"OK." I repeated, now feeling short on vocabulary, "see you soon. Bye."

"Bye." He hung up, and I was left with silence. I dropped the phone back into the holder, and faced my mother. She had made a cup of coffee, and was fingering the handle.

"I'm leaving now." I said, and mom didn't look up once.

"Leave your keys on the table before you go."

"Bye mom, I'll keep the same number if you ever want to call me. Maybe one day we can get together... Or if you want to meet your grandchild." I proposed, but I got no reply, so I settled for tossing my keys on our table, and striding out of the house. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I heard it lock, and that broke the dam blocking my sobs. I leaned against the closed door, and cried and cried.

"I..I'm s-sorry mama, I'm so sorry Hana. I w-wish it could (hic) be different." I whispered, and I let myself cry, and didn't stop even when the cab pulled up, and when Yasotaru guided me inside. I cried more when her hugged me, not wanting the comfort but needing it more than anything.

"Sh, its all going to be fine Ami." He soothed, but I disagreed vehemently. "No, its not. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to live. I'm homeless. I don't even know why I agreed to get in the car, its pointless. Yasotaru scoffed.

"What are you talking about? Of course you have somewhere to go, you'll stay with me." He stated, and I scrubbed more tears off my surprised face.

"What?" My voice shook from crying and disbelief. "You want me to stay with you?"

"Yes, that's what I've been trying to tell you. How could you think I would just let you fend for yourself out there? Its out of the question, and already decided. You are living with me."

Authors Note: I don't know, I kinda felt like ending it there. Anyways I'm proud of this chapter (for some reason) so I hope you guys liked it! As always, comment, favorite (only if you want, no pressure), and pm's are absolutely welcome as well! Till next time :)


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